I've written hundreds of songs. And every time I sit down to write a new one, I wonder if I can actually do it.
It's a weird thing to still feel after this long. But I get to wondering if I've run out of ideas, or ability, like there's a finite amount of creativity in my bones, and once it's used up, that's it. No more songs.
When I sat down to write "500 Miles," I knew what the song was supposed to be. It's Jordan's solo, and by the end of it, his music is gone. He sets the guitar down, and the final chord resolves in a crash. He rallies in the next scene, but another rejection sends him spiraling, and this is the moment it breaks him. I couldn't help wondering, like I usually do, if the music was all used up for me too. But this time felt different, because I knew, specifically, that it had gone dry for him. That was the job. Not mine.
Then I finished it (three movements, anger to ambivalence to collapse) and brought it to the writer's group this week. First time anyone had heard it out loud. It landed. And for a few days after, I felt safely like a songwriter.
Today, I don't know. Doubt ushers back in. I imagine it'll be there again the next time I sit down to write one.
A demo of "500 Miles" is coming soon. I'll post it here first.
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